I realized that not everyone gets the chance to just wake up peacefully in the morning. Some people aren't truly alive. Some are just surviving, going through days that no one knows about. But who knows? They still do their activities like everyone else. They still laugh, they seem cheerful, and sometimes they even become some light for the people around them. But when they're finally alone in their room, they feel empty. They don't cry, they don't self harm, they don't do anything destructive. They just sit in silence, slowly drowning in their own thoughts. And I realized that the saddest part is when your body won't even let you cry anymore. It's not that you don't want to, it's that you physically can't.

It hurts too much, but I keep walking while asking "why?" over and over again. Not because I'm ungrateful to be alive, but because I'm just tired. You know that feeling when you try so hard to be someone else because being yourself feels like you're nothing? I feel like I have nothing to show the world, yet I keep trying to be better.

There are things that hurt so much that I bury them deep inside all alone. Whatever they are, the parts I've never told anyone about are the heaviest. I deal with them by letting it hurt until it doesn't hurt anymore. But that's made me not truly live because it still hurts. When someone's cruel to me now, I don't react with anger or emotion like I used to. I just think "oh, okay then." I realized not everyone in this life is kind. People come in all types. Even strangers who you don't even know exist can, at random times, become the ones who destroy your life. And sometimes the people closest to you end up being the ones who make you fight to survive every single day. But in those moments I often find myself wondering "what happened in their life?"

Guys, so many people are going through heavy days that we'll never know about. In this one life we get, little things really do mean a lot. Just listening to someone, even if it's not about their problems, can save them. Just being there with them, asking how they're doing, those small gestures truly mean everything.

At 2 AM, out of nowhere, this feeling creeps in. "I hate having me. I think everyone shouldn't have me in their life because I'm just a problem." Haha. But at the same time I also feel like "wow, I'm doing pretty great. I've survived so many hard days." I hate it, but I'm also grateful. I don't even know how to explain it. I know she's doing well, but there's still so many parts where I think "I haven't done enough and I'm still lacking."

But even so, I think I'm better than I used to be. When bad things come my way, I just take a deep breath and think "oh well, it's okay" and keep going with my day. Honestly, all anyone really needs is peace. There are people who've been so hopeless in life that their prayers aren't even asking for anything anymore. They just say "I just want peace, God. I don't need to be happy, just let me be at peace."

If you ask whether life gets easier, the answer is no, not at all. But luckily I've gotten better at managing it. No matter how heavy it feels, I can still face it. Even if it's incredibly hard, "I can still do it, right?" From all of this I've become so grateful when someone randomly says "I'm proud of you" or "you're doing your best." It hits me right in the chest and makes me feel so held, because I don't think everyone understands how hard I am on myself. So thank you so much.

I'm not okay yet, but I'm trying. I don't judge anyone no matter what they do, because I don't know what options they had or what their story is. And I won't assume, because it's not my business and because I know how hard life can be. Honestly, "who am I to judge others?"

And at the end of it all I just want to say sorry to myself, for everything that didn't go as you wished, for everything you couldn't change, for all your failures. And lastly, sorry for always making you survive every single day.

To everyone who's silently surviving, to everyone who's trying their best, to everyone going through hard times, I hope you always meet good people and find good things. You deserve all the kindness and happiness in this life. Take care.

I pray for us, for the ones who still trying, for the ones who still here.